Remus Lupin and the Joys of Motherhood
by imSiriuslyLupin4you
Summary: Remus Lupin is the single 'mother' of three. Not mpreg! Suggested slash. Please comment!


_(Remus enjoys the pleasures of being the single mother of three. Implied RL/SB. I am not a brilliant English lady with enough money to buy the world, so therefore these people are not mine.)_

"Remmie!" Sirius Black burst into the Gryffindor common room followed by James Potter. "Remmie, James is being mean to me!"

"I am not! Sirius is a Liar! Liar! Plants for Hire."

Remus Lupin sighed and closed the book he had been reading. "James, the expression is 'Pants on Fire' not 'Plants for Hire'."

"So he's still a liar." James pouted and plopped down on the couch next to Remus.

"Hey, that's MY spot!" Sirius whined. "I'M the one who's supposed to be next to Moony. He's MINE."

"So?" James stuck his tongue out.

"So he's MINE." Sirius yelled, picking up a cushion and throwing it at James' head.

"Sirius! We do not throw things indoors." Remus glared at Sirius.

"But you're _mine_." Sirius whined, stomping his foot.

"Stop acting like a baby, and apologize to James." Remus snapped, picking his book.

"Ha ha! Moony called you a baby!" James sang, pointing at Sirius.

"I'm not a baby! I'm not a baby… I'm sixteen-"

Peter Pettigrew chose that moment to come running into the common room. "Remus the Slytherins took my Remembrall. Make them give it back!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Peter, why don't you ask them yourself?"

"I did. I told them I needed it because exams are coming up, and then they laughed at me and pushed me into a broom closet." Tears started to fill the pudgy boy's eyes. "The Remembrall wasn't even mine! It's my dad's. If he ever finds out I lost it he'll…he'll…" Peter dissolved into tears and sank to the floor in a sobbing heap.

"Slytherins are evil." Sirius stated simply, and proceeded to sit upon the lap of 'His Remus'.

"Remmie? Who do you love more? Me, or Padfoot, or Wormtail or Evens?" James set his chin down pointily on Remus' shoulder.

Before Remus could say anything, Lily Evens came hurrying over. "Remus? Did you do that essay for Binns yet? I didn't quite understand the part about the Battle of-"

"Ewwww!" Sirius squealed. "Peter just made a snot bubble!" He immediately collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Remmie, you didn't tell who you loved best." James frowned.

Remus sighed. "I love Lily best. She's quiet, and doesn't leave sticky messes for me to clean up." Remus turned back to the one he loved best. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you understood-"

"WHAT?" James shouted, nearly deafening Remus. "Remmie, you not _supposed_ to say you love Lily most. You're supposed to say that you love all of us the same!"

Remus sensed that he would not be able to help Lily unless he answered James' ridiculous question properly. "I'm sorry. Ask me again."

James grinned. "Okay. Who do you love more? Me, or Padfoo-"

"I love you all the same." Remus interrupted. "So, Lily-"

"Did you mean it?" James peered at Remus distrustfully.

"YES I meant it!" Remus hissed. "Now let Mummy speak!"

"Ha ha! Remmie yelled a you." Sirius sang from Remus' lap.

"You know what, never mind." Lily began to walk away. "We can work on the essay later."

"No it's fine." Remus smiled reassuringly. "They're just tired. They'll behave once they take a nap."

Lily laughed. "Once they take a nap? Remus they're not your _children_. stop _mothering_ them so much."

"What? Lily, I do not _mother_ them-"

"Remus, Black is on your lap, Potter is cuddling your arm, Pettigrew is crying at your feet, and may I remind you that just a few moments ago you referred to yourself as '_Mummy_'."

Remus blushed. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Remus, Sirius called me a crybaby!" Peter wailed and buried his face in Remus' pant leg.

Remus immediately forgot about Lily's accusations. "Sirius! Apologize to Peter at once."

"Sorry." Sirius grunted.

"That's not good enough Padfoot. Apologize like you mean it."

Sirius sighed. "I'm very sorry for calling you a 'crybaby'. Even if you are one."

"It's okay." Peter sniffed. "Hey! James' got chocolate!"

James sheepishly chewed on a chunk of Honeydukes finest.

"James, do you have enough chocolate for everyone?" Remus glared at James until he nodded.

"I was going to share."

"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Gimmie some chocolate!" Sirius squealed pointing at the candy.

Remus cleared his throat. "Can we say 'please'?"

"Please."

Once Remus had made sure that everyone had an equal piece of chocolate, he noticed that Lily was staring at him with an odd expression on her face.

"What?" Remus demanded.

Lily only smiled. "Nothing… nothing…" And she skipped away into the girl's dormitory.

Remus suddenly noticed how extremely heavy Sirius was. "Sirius I can't feel my legs." Sirius then proceeded to roll off of Remus' lap and onto the floor. Standing up, Remus stretched.

"Moony, I'm tired." James looked up at Remus. "What time is it?"

"It's time for bed." Remus led the Marauders up the stairs to their dormitory, and in exactly half an hour they were all in bed ready to be tucked in.

"Moony, will you kiss me goodnight?" Sirius asked from beneath crimson covers. Remus smiled and gave Sirius a quick kiss on the mouth.

"Sweet dreams, Padfoot."

"G'night, Moony."

Remus left the sleeping Marauders, and retreated to the bathroom. Quickly stripping he hopped into the shower. Standing underneath the hot water, Remus' exhaustion started to catch up with him. He looked foreword to a nice, long, relaxing slee-

"AAAUUUUGGH!"

"WHAT?"

"OW!"

Remus ran out of the bathroom, with a towel clutched around his waist. "What's going on?"

"K-kitty…" Peter stuttered from under his bed.

"Well, Evens' cat somehow got in here and Peter screamed, and I got scared and ran to Sirius' bed and my knee sort of… well it sort of landed on his bits." James blushed and meekly returned to his own bed.

"It hurts…" Sirius whimpered, his hands clamped tightly over his crotch. "Make it feel better!"

"There, there, there. Let Mummy help, hmmm?" Remus said hurrying over to Sirius. "Let Mummy kiss it all better."

James and Peter shared a look, and then fled the dormitory.


End file.
